Mile 100 and I still have 20 miles to go, everything hurts, I'm tired and tripping all over the place, I look up the mountain painfully amused at the climb I have tackle. Moments like these call for inspiration! Some people get inspiration from music, repeating a mantra or, memories of an epic moment in life; I get inspiration thinking about my loved ones, my wife, my children and more often then not, from my son Connor. In order to understand the inspiration my son brings me, a brief history lesson is needed to see the connection Connor has to my running.
I am in many ways an introvert and have difficulty opening up about
my life and who I am. So, sitting here right now about to tell everyone a
little about myself is a difficult process for me. However, that is
another part of my personality, I like to put myself in
difficult/uncomfortable situations, step into the unknown and challenge
myself; maybe that's what makes me love ultra running so much.
We all have our own story on how we got into running while some are a lot more interesting than others, mine is not too dissimilar to many. My first son Charles James (C.J.) was born in 2004, I was 23 at the time just trying to do the right thing by getting married and starting a family, but getting married for the wrong reasons, eventually leads to divorce. Yes my divorce was better than most; we were young, we had no court battles or much bitterness in the situation. That being said, divorce is still hard; it messed me up emotionally and physically. Its like a big downward spiral with feelings of failure, not being good enough, feelings of hate, depression and, loneliness which turned into seclusion, overeating and laziness. Next thing you know I'm stressed at work, getting overweight and unhealthy. There came a point after a few years when enough was enough, I had to stop feeling sorry for myself and start living life again, I started to go out to concert by myself, on hikes, even cruises. Doing thing by myself got old after a while and I wanted to share my life with others so I start dating again, I wanted to lose weight and feel attractive, which is where my running and family journey began.
3 miles on the treadmill, turned into 5 miles and, turned into me losing weight. I like this running thing, I'm pretty good at it! I started running the bike path in the arroyo and the more I ran the more weight I was losing! Dating on the other hand was losing battle at this point. Trying to date as a single father is tougher than one might think; I cant just leave my son at home to go party with you all night, uggh I need to try something different. I started online dating on a site for single parents when I first met Desirae, we were both in the same situation, finishing up school as single parents of boys about the same age so we connected right away. Bonus was that I fell in love with Desirae at the same time I fell in love with running, so Desirae has always been there through the course of my running journey and has supported my craziness since day one. Desirae did however have extra stress in life with the birth of her son Connor.
Connor was born with hydrocephalus (fluid build up on the brain) causing brain damage and Cerebral Palsy that comes with it. Connor has a severe form of Hydrocephalus and requires a shunt that drains the fluid off his brain and into his stomach. Connor cannot talk (although he does say hi from time to time and is learning to use an Ipad to communicate), cannot walk, requires feeding, personal hygiene (brushing teeth, baths, diapers etc.), and transition from chair to bed or couch and back. All the hard work that goes into caring for Connor is made up 10 fold in his positive attitude for life, his adventurous spirit, his wide genuinely addictive smile and, his infectious laughter. It makes me realize the things in life that I take for granted, it makes me appreciate the abilities I do have have that other don't. This is what gives me strength while I run, it gives me inspiration when I need it the most. When I'm deep into a race suffering, I tell myself to suck it up because at least I can run, it might hurt, I might want to quit but at least I have the ability to use my legs and to keep pushing forward!
People often ask how I am able to run enough to train for big events having 3 kids, trying to be a good husband and working full time; its all about balance. Definitely priority number 1 is my family, I will always put them first, but there are many ways to still be present for family and find time for running. Most of my weekday miles come from lunch time runs. I am blessed to have a job that allows me to take longer lunches as long as I get my work done, I often times come in early or work a few hours on weekends to make it all work. Lunch time runs are also great to break up the monotony of the day and relieve some stress, but it also forces you to run at the hottest times of the day. I don't often get in as many miles as I would like to during the week so I try and make the miles I do run count by focusing on making the most of my workout runs. A few days a week I will also run at night; after we get the kids to bed, the wife begins her homework and I hop on the treadmill while watching Netflix. For added miles, I also like to run to work on Fridays with a change of clothes in my running pack. Sundays I usually wake up early to get a long run in while the family sleeps and if I'm training for a big event I will also run Saturdays. But the most enjoyable way to get in the miles is to try and include the family in my running, I can begrudgingly get my wife and son C.J. to run a few miles with me but they are more of the hiking type. I sometimes push Zach (our now 2 year old) in a jogging stroller and often push Connor in a modified running wheelchair!
Pushing
Connor in a wheelchair has been a great bonding experience between
Connor and I, he seems to love it with a huge smile on his face
while we run. We train on the local Arroyo bike path a lot because its
flat, pushing a 70 lbs 15 year old in a 60 lbs wheelchair up a hill can
be an incredibly tough resistance training run! I have since pushed
Connor at two 10K races and one 5K race, Connor and I recently took the
overall win at a local hilly 10K in Simi Valley with a time of 41:16
(proud dad side note- CJ got a PR and an age group win in the 5k with a
time of 31:31). Connor and I have a goal for next year to run a half
marathon together. Although he and I may not share DNA, the bond we have
formed is far grater than blood; he will always be my son and best
running partner!
My life has blessed me with many things so far including an amazing wife, the best kids, a great job and running. I can only hope that my life will continue to send blessings my way. As the year closes out I have Western States and Javelina to look back on (please check out my Western States Blog and my soon to come Javelina Blog) but I also have so much to look forward to next year. I have big plans in the pipeline and I know when I need a dose of inspiration Connor will be there flashing that smile at me! Till then a beer to celebrate and another trail to run..
